MARCH 13 – HAVE ENTERED THE ‘YEAH, WHATEVER’ STAGE
If the painters texted to ask me 6 weeks ago what color I wanted for the bathroom I would have gone through my regular 20 step process for choosing the perfect paint color:
- Go to Sherwin Williams, Benjamin Moore, Home Depot & Lowes and get every paint chip they have that comes even remotely close to the color I’m thinking about.
- Tape all chips to the wall, arranging by 1st stage winners and lining up in order by shade.
- Walk by them approximately two thousand times at different angles, speeds and time of day to account for lighting changes.
- Rearrange again, prioritizing a ‘winner’s block’ of around 15 chips.
- Make my husband stare at the winner’s block and pick a chip against his will.
- Ignore husband’s selection when he chooses the wrong chip.
- Can’t decide between two final chips so go to paint store and buy sample jar of each.
- Paint the equivalent of a 400 square foot room of competing sample swatches on every wall in the room.
- Leave walls covered with swatches for a week and still can’t decide
- Decide that the only way to make the perfect color is if these two paint colors had a baby.
- Start mixing the two paints together in various ratios, naming each mix and painting it on both the wall and an index card that you can take to the paint store to color match the ‘winner’.
- Add swatches of the new 4+ blended colors to all of the walls.
- Wait 2-3 months.
- Determine that the 20% Color 1 + 80% Color 2 mix is the clear winner.
- Take the corresponding painted index card to the paint store for a color match.
- Have the guy at the paint store tell you that you’ve created a color that cannot be matched. (WTF – Your commercials says I can bring in a stick of butter or a giant stuffed bear for you to color match but you can’t match a 20/80 mix of your own paints???)
- Tell him to do the best he can do.
- End up with a color that is neither Color 1, Color 2, nor your dream color.
- Paint walls
- Try to decide which room to paint next.
But after not showering in my own bathroom since before Halloween and living like a hoarder for 7 weeks, I went with the one step of saying “the lady from the tile store said to get SW 7531 Canvas Tan” (which is remarkably similar to the 20-step paint color that we ended up with for the rest of the house.)
And then this morning when the lady from the tile store called to ask what carpet I would like for the closet, my response was simply “whatever the insurance will pay for.” I’m guessing it will end up being the carpet version of this paint color but wouldn’t that be exciting if she decided that meant leopard print or something?
There have been some exciting updates since my last post.
The cabinets went from this:
To this:
But only after 3 men spent several minutes figuring out how to make a 7 foot slab of granite do this:
The toilet has finally been freed from its extended time-out in the closet.
And is now back to its natural habitat
After an unfortunate measuring incident which resulted in the right hole being about 1″ further away from the center one……
We finally got back to square one (new wood, new backing, new tile, new (evenly spaced) holes. And miracle of miracles, the tub has also been freed from the closet!
With one unfortunate mishap.
When the tile guys came to fix the ‘tub smashed through the wall’ issue they also finished up the grout work. Just a heads up to everyone else out there, grout is a much darker shade when it is still wet and it is not necessary to text a bunch of photos to your contractor insisting that they must have used the dark floor grout on the lighter tiles. It will only make you look like an idiot and make the tile guys regret cutting all of those giant square tiles into giant subway rectangles for you.
The shower floor was done about 3 weeks ago but I forgot to take a picture of it. I’m liking how all the different colors will help disguise all the future hard water and mildew stains.
On the agenda today: Paint and measuring for the new shower door.
The ClosetMaid closet organizer that I ordered should also be arriving today. I thought I would try to get ClosetMaid to send me some free stuff for promoting their products as part of the process. I’m guessing after one look at this post they decided I’m too much of a complainer to trust talking about their products. They’re scheduled to be delivered today….let’s see if they’re right. đŸ˜‰
To catch up on previous episodes:
Episode 2: The Toxic Shower Pan
Episode 5: Two Steps Forward, One Step Back
Episode 6: We’ve Officially Entered the WTF Stage
Next: Episode 8: I’m a Knob Snob
Once upon a time, Susanne Kerns was a Senior Account Director at an advertising agency working for two of the top brands in the world. Nine years ago she traded in her corporate life for a life as a stay at home mom, raising two of the best kids in the world. She started her blog, The Dusty Parachute as a way to dust off her online advertising skills and begin her job search. Instead, she now uses it as a way to spend lots of time on the computer so her kids think that mommy has a job.
Susanne’s essays have been featured in Scary Mommy, BonBon Break and Redbook and she is also a contributor in the upcoming books, It’s Really 10 Months, Special Delivery and Martinis & Motherhood – Tales of Wonder Woe & WTF?! You can follow her on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
Be sure to follow me on Facebook & Twitter and check out my 'Photos' tab for a sample of my Instagram feed. It's where I post my tasteful nudes (made you look!);)
xo - Susanne
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