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Category: Humor

The Cost of Doing Friendship – Signed Contract Required

The Dusty Parachute by Susanne Kerns 24 Comments

Also syndicated at BonBon Break
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Dear Parents of School Friends,

It has come to my attention that the door has officially been opened for parents to cut loose their crazy and start charging other parents for things that at one time (last week) used to be be considered the ‘cost’ of maintaining ‘normal’ friendships.  I feel that it is my responsibility to protect our family from the possibility that you too may one day try to express your parental frustration through a passive-aggressive invoicing system.  Because of this, we are asking that all of the parents of our kids’ friends sign this simple contract.  (We would prefer for it to be notarized, of course).
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The Most Accidentally Searched For American Girl Doll - TheDustyParachute.com

The Most (Accidentally) Searched for American Girl Doll of the Year

The Dusty Parachute by Susanne Kerns 17 Comments

Update: January 11, 2016 – I wrote this original post one year ago. Since then, it has continued to receive search traffic on a regular basis, from who I’m sure are very confused parents trying to shop for the new American Doll of the Year. It appears that The American Girl Doll Corporation has not taken any of my suggestions for the American Girl Doll of the Year 2016…..there’s always 2017……

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It’s January, and you know what that means. Sure, it means the holidays are over, you’re busy breaking your resolutions and cursing all the stray Christmas decorations that you missed in your haul up to the attic.

But there’s something even more exciting that comes with the turn of the new year: The introduction of the new American Girl Doll of the Year 2015.

Are you on the edge of your seat wondering:

“Who will it be this year? A little white girl with long blonde hair or a little darker-white girl with long brown hair?”

“Will her hobby will be walking homeless puppies or perhaps this year she’ll branch out from ballet dancing to tap?”

Well, the wait is over. May I present to you, Grace, the French Baker.
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5 Reasons You Need to Take a Vacation Without Your Kids

The Dusty Parachute by Susanne Kerns 34 Comments

For some moms, the idea of a week away (or even a night away) from their kids sounds like paradise….for others, it sounds like a nightmare.

I have to admit, I’m a big fan of ‘me-time’ and since becoming a mother over ten years ago, I have tried to work in little trips for myself at least once a year.  I’ve gotten to the point where I barely think twice about it – The kids are older now (11 & 7), they’re in good hands while I’m away, and I believe we all benefit from a little ‘absence making the heart grow fonder.’

That being said, I wasn’t a natural at this maternal separation.
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Top 10 Reasons to Visit The Dusty Parachute in 2015

The Dusty Parachute by Susanne Kerns Leave a comment

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New Year’s Day is the perfect time to reflect back on the past year (while lying hungover on the couch eating stale Christmas cookies.) Many of the bloggers I follow are doing fun ‘Top 20 Posts of 2014’ lists. I thought of doing something similar but seeing as how I have only done around 30 posts since starting The Dusty Parachute a few months ago, that would be like saying “Come to the site & read everything!”

So, instead I’ve categorized some of my 2014 posts to help give you an idea of which ones you will enjoy most based on your interests.  Assuming that many of my 2015 posts will fall into these same categories, it also doubles as a “Top 10 Reasons to Visit The Dusty Parachute in 2015”.
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Enter to Win the Dusty Parachute Console-ation Prize

The Dusty Parachute by Susanne Kerns 3 Comments

It has been a prize filled week, and I don’t want it to end.

Last week I won a Liebster Award, thanks to Kirsten at Kids Are a Trip.

On Thursday, I went to have my first mani/ped in 4 years thanks to a contest that I won which was hosted by Kristin at Two Cannoli.

Before this week, my lifetime achievements/prizes included:

  • 2nd Grade – A case of motor oil at a school carnival
  • 9th Grade – Most Valuable Typist
  • College Graduation – Most Valuable Student in Marketing
  • Yr 2 of my last job – A really over the top ‘Queen for the Day’ Award where I was sent away to the spa for a day after completely losing my sh*t after several 90 hour weeks and having to pull together a giant client presentation for 200 Marketing Directors at one of the top 10 companies in the world while also trying to get 30 of their campaigns live at the same time.  (Did I mention I completely lost my sh*t?)

When they’re wonderful spa packages, prizes are fun.
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Help Me Remodel (Two) Bathrooms

The Dusty Parachute by Susanne Kerns 1 Comment

Our bathroom saga continues.

If you need to get up to speed, there are two previous posts:

Part 1:  A tale of how I’m so effective at denial, I can convince myself that a giant wet spot in the closet, accompanied by a mysterious musty odor is not a problem (probably just the cats, or the house settling…) And how my husband can break into a locked bathroom with just a slap bracelette. You can read all about it here.

Part 2: How a month after we finally accepted that the giant puddle in our closet was due to a shower pan leak, we still hadn’t even found a contractor to repair it.  It’s all here.

Part 3: How home repairs snowball quickly.

Here’s a breakdown of what has happened since Part 2: Read More

It’s An Honor Just to be Nominated

The Dusty Parachute by Susanne Kerns 16 Comments

Not too many people give out awards for being a SAHM, and it has been a long time since I received the “Most Valuable Typist” award in the 9th grade, so I was super surprised to receive this Tweet recently:

Liebster Award

That’s right, I have received the honor of being nominated for a Liebster Award. Although I wasn’t entirely sure what I Liebster award was, it was an honor because I was nominated by Kirsten from Kids are a Trip and she’s one of my favorite blogging moms. I would have been pleased just to have her send me a note saying she knew I existed, so sharing this fun award with me was truly exciting.
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Wishing You a Very Craigslist Christmas

Wishing You a Very Craigslist Christmas!

The Dusty Parachute by Susanne Kerns 8 Comments

I hate shopping.

And I’m not talking about Christmas shopping.  I mean 365 days a year.

I hear the stories all the time about all the moms who love their trips to Target and my eye starts to twitch a little (okay, a lot).

I hate the crowds, I hate knowing that whatever I buy will likely go on sale the minute after I buy it and I hate knowing that whatever I buy will be outgrown, obsolete, forgotten about in a matter of weeks.

So when I hear about people waking up at 5am on Black Friday to do the most extreme version of the thing that I do my best to avoid at 2pm on a Tuesday in April, you would assume that I would think those people are crazy, but I don’t.
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My Love / Hate Relationship With Christmas Cards

The Dusty Parachute by Susanne Kerns 6 Comments

It’s that time of year again: Time to start thinking about Christmas cards (at least according to Shutterfly, Pinterest and all the other services catering to organized, crafty mothers).

Few things fill me with as much simultaneous excitement and dread as Christmas cards.

The ‘excitement’ part goes back to my childhood. My mom used to make a whole day out of preparing her Christmas cards. She would bring out her address book (an actual, padded address book with alphabetical index tabs), flipping through the pages, making edits to entries of those who had moved during the year. She would write a little personal note in each card and address each envelope in her perfect, ‘deserves-her-own-font’, script.
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Dear Elfy, The Ron Swanson of Elves

The Dusty Parachute by Susanne Kerns 8 Comments

Dear Elfy –

Next week you’ll be coming back to our house until Christmas, and I’ve got to admit, I’m kind of looking forward to seeing you again.

Sure, you’re a little creepy: I never walk with my back to you in a dark room, and you remind me of the Fantasy Island episode where the ventriloquist dummy comes to life to kill its owner until it’s burned alive.

But three years ago you single handedly replaced Santa. As far as our kids are concerned you ARE Christmas.

I know a lot of people are not looking forward to their Elves coming back: They’re always getting into trouble, making big messes and just causing a lot of extra work for their families.

That’s why I like you, Elfy: You’re different.
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