Family, Parenting & Pets Archives - Page 5 of 5 - The Dusty Parachute by Susanne Kerns

A Tribute to My Amazing Husband (after 2 glasses of wine)

November 5, 2014June 30, 2016 The Dusty Parachute by Susanne Kerns 3 Comments

My husband’s first book was released today.

I had planned on making him a special celebratory dinner before he left to New York, but since I couldn’t go to the store after our daughter came home sick yesterday, we ended up having eggs for dinner instead.

I thought maybe I could squeeze some congratulations in this morning, (not a euphemism), but he got up quietly to take care of our daughter at 5:00 am when she was feeling sick again and had to work some timing miracles to get in to vote in today’s election before his flight left. Before I could remind the kids to congratulate daddy on his big day, he was already reminding them to be nice to me on my birthday, in a few days.
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Happy Halloween, 70s Style.

October 30, 2014June 30, 2016 The Dusty Parachute by Susanne Kerns 2 Comments

Gather around, children, while I tell you a little story about Halloweens back when I was your age, waaaayyyy back in the 1970s.

Ah, those were the days! Children wore costumes their mothers made from scratch and store-bought costumes were much less stripper-like, (and much more flammable.) This period also marked the final years when it was acceptable, nay, encouraged, to raise awareness to the plight of the homeless by dressing up as a Hobo for the night.

Which brings me to Exhibit A, featuring my brother, the Hobo and me as Raggedy Anne. My mom made the hat and the apron and of course there’s the cute little red dress underneath. Look how sweet we are posing out in front of our house in Idaho.

The Pumpkin Text Fail - TheDustyParachute.com

My Pumpkin Text Fail

October 23, 2014October 27, 2016 The Dusty Parachute by Susanne Kerns 5 Comments

By now, most of you are familiar with the crazy baby-care instructions that I left my poor (forgiving) in-laws the first time they came to care for our (then) 1 year old daughter. That post outlined what I imagine was going through their heads as they read my insanely detailed (6 page) note.

This post once again involves my in-laws, but mostly involves me and some poor, confused shop owner in Weatherford, Texas. It outlines what I know was going through my head as I had a lengthy (about 2 hour) text conversation with someone I thought was my father-in-law.
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Care Instructions for a 1 Year Old (Interpreted by the Grandparents)

October 13, 2014June 30, 2016 The Dusty Parachute by Susanne Kerns 152 Comments

I was just digging through some old photo albums today and this folded up note fell out. It’s a six page list of ‘guidelines and explanations’ (my own obnoxious words) that I wrote up for my mother and father-in-law when they offered to care for our daughter so that I could take a once-in-a-lifetime ten-day trip to Italy with my mom.

This was eight years ago. My daughter had just turned one and we had just moved into a new house the week before. There were boxes everywhere and the normal craziness of living with a one year old. Even with all that, my in-laws were kind enough to volunteer to fly from Arizona to Seattle to watch her so that my mom and I could go on a food and wine tour across Italy. I am still grateful that they gave us this gift of their time and now I am even more grateful that they didn’t either bolt for the door or laugh in my face when they saw what follows.
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LEGO Friends Want Short, Sassy Hair

October 9, 2014June 30, 2016 The Dusty Parachute by Susanne Kerns 4 Comments

Last spring I got a big surprise when I took my daughter to get her hair cut. She had been talking about wanting to go shorter and with the “it’s hair, it grows back” mentality, we chatted with the hair stylist about lightening things up for the hot Texas summer.

As I was sitting in the lobby trying to keep my 4 year old from hoarding all of the good trains at the train table, I kept hearing her little voice in the distance saying “Nope, shorter.” When she came walking around the corner to grab her post-haircut lollipop, I barely recognized her.

My New Geriatric Pet-Proofing Service

September 24, 2014June 30, 2016 The Dusty Parachute by Susanne Kerns 10 Comments

After months of deliberation, I think I have finally uncovered my perfect new career – an intersection of my natural gifts, MacGyver ingenuity and my true passion: Geriatric Pet-Proofing.

It’s like one of those baby-proofing services, except instead of protecting babies who poo and pee all over themselves and fall down the stairs, it will protect your senior-citizen pets who also poo and pee all over themselves and fall down the stairs.

Just a few of my services will include:

C.C.C. (TM) – Cat-litter Coat Closet

Last Day of Preschool = Last Day of Excuses

August 15, 2014June 30, 2016 The Dusty Parachute by Susanne Kerns 6 Comments

Today is my 4 year old son’s last day at preschool. The 2 bottles of champagne are thank you gifts for his teachers…The bourbon is for me.

I don’t need a drink because he’s done with school. I need a drink because in 10 days he will be starting ‘real’, as in 6 hours a day/5 days a week, school and after almost a decade out of the work force, it’s time for me to get serious about thinking about what I want to do next.
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