The other day I was at a restaurant with my kids and couldn’t help but overhear some moms at the next table carrying on about a friend (who was not present) who had apparently made some pretty interesting decisions in her life recently.
All of the friends were wide eyed, on the edge of their seats waiting for the next juicy detail. You know who else was listening to every word of her thorough news report (besides me)? The woman’s six year old daughter who was waiting for her to shut up for one second to she could get an escort to the bathroom.
As my kids get older I have started to notice just how much they do pick up on the things that the grown ups discuss when we think they’re not listening: The gossip, the trash talking, the complaints about them. I’ve been guilty of all of these at one time or another and I’m sure you have too.
So I’ve written a little poem for all of us, to help remind us that even though they don’t seem to be listening when you ask them to clean their rooms a hundred times, they do actually hear more than you ever imagined.
Think of it as the ‘Go the F*ck to Sleep’ book for adults. But instead of encapsulating all the things we wish we could say to our kids about their universally annoying bedtime habits, it recaps just a few of the situations where parents need to ‘Shut the F*ck Up.’
Shut the F*ck Up – A Poem for Clueless Parents
Our friends are divorcing? That’s terribly sad.
No, I don’t need the details or sleaze
And you know who can hear you? Their kid’s BFF.
So it’s time you shut the f*ck up, please
Your kid messed up and is feeling ashamed?
Oh man, we’ve all be there before.
And they probably don’t want you telling us all
So, I’ll ask you to shut the f*ck up once more.
You seem to have lots of thoughts on that race
And who shouldn’t be married to who.
I know you’re wrong, but your kid’s too young to talk
So I’ll say shut the f*ck up for her too.
Think her butt’s big or her pants are too tight
And that it’s fun to critique and make jokes?
Your teenage daughters are soaking in every word
So please, shut the f*ck up, folks.
I know that kids ignore us most of the time
And pretend they don’t hear what we say.
But they pick up on a lot more than you think
So start shutting the f*ck up today.
A handy ‘travel-size version of this poem is available on my Pinterest page.
Please do the kids of the world a favor and share this post so that their clueless parents can also be reminded to “shut the f*ck up.”
Once upon a time, Susanne Kerns was a Senior Account Director at an advertising agency working for two of the top brands in the world. Nine years ago she traded in her corporate life for a life as a stay at home mom, raising two of the best kids in the world. She started her blog, The Dusty Parachute as a way to dust off her online advertising skills to begin her job search. Instead, she now uses it as a way to spend a lot of time on the computer so her kids think that mommy has a job.
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