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My First NaNoWriMo Novel - The Dusty Parachute

A Peek at My First NaNoWriMo Doggy Style Love Story

It’s November 1st, which for many of us writers means one thing: NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month.)  Last year I made it to about Day #5 of NaNoWriMo before giving up and proclaiming it “Nah, I No Wri No Mo” month instead.

Cooincidentally, November is also NaBloPoMo, when bloggers are supposed to update their blog with a new post every day.

You may be asking yourself, why do writers who supposedly love to write need to dedicate an entire month to forcing themselves to write?

The nice answer is that we all lead busy, productive and meaningful lives and need a fun excuse to put ourselves and our art first, if even for only 30 days.

The real answer is that we’re all a bunch of scaredy cats who are terrified that everything we write is a pile of garbage that no one would ever want to read so we fill our lives with errands, projects, or anything else to keep us from actually doing the thing we love so we never have to worry about someone else hating it.

Until November, of course.

Speaking of piles of garbage, my mom recently saved my very first novel from being thrown in a pile of garbage while cleaning out her garage. Since I don’t think it counts as plagiarizing if you borrow from your own work, I’ve decided to pull some of the main plot points of my new NaNoWriMo book from the 1980 classic, “The Dogs that Never Stoped Loveing.”

For the first time ever, you are getting an exclusive peek at this dramatic, tear-jerking romance.  As they say in the monster truck ads, “you’ll pay for the whole seat, but you’ll only need the edge!”

With no further ado, I present

 

My First NaNoWriMo Doggy Style Romance Novel - The Dusty Parachute
My 2nd grade teacher, Mrs. Imel, was kind enough to edit my spelling errors for the book cover. If you look closely, you’ll see the poor woman had to hand-write the o’s since we lived in the ancient time of typewriters.

 

My First NaNoWriMo Doggy Style Romance Novel - The Dusty Parachute
I still live by the proofreading rule, “when in doubt, add an ‘e'”.  BTW – You’ll soon find out just how literal this title really is.

 

My First NaNoWriMo Doggy Style Romance Novel - The Dusty Parachute
Disney “Lady & The Tramp” copyright lawsuit pending.

 

My First NaNoWriMo Doggy Style Romance Novel - The Dusty Parachute
This is when things start heating up. It’s like a barely-weaned-puppy version of the interview scene from 50 Shades of Grey.

 

My First NaNoWriMo Doggy Style Romance Novel - The Dusty Parachute
Well, that escalated quickly.
My First NaNoWriMo Doggy Style Romance Novel - The Dusty Parachute
Holy shit, this passage has SO MANY LEVELS! First of all, yes, the math does add up to the 62 pups referenced on the previous page, thank you very much. Also, despite my fondness for over-using e’s, I managed to nail the spelling of “seizure”. But, enough patting myself on the back…..What in the actual hell?!?  How did my teacher see earlier drafts of this masterpiece and not pull me aside and suggest, “maybe not so much with the parental-abuse and seizures.” I have a feeling my mom slept with one eye open after I brought this home.

 

My First NaNoWriMo Doggy Style Romance Novel - The Dusty Parachute
Awww, that’s nice – the ungrateful pups were glad Lady didn’t die. But she barely has time to recover from her seizure before her family is ripped apart by a home-wrecker named………
My First NaNoWriMo Doggy Style Romance Novel - The Dusty Parachute
CLIFF?!? Sorry, Tippy. Looks like even 62 pups worth of lovin’ isn’t enough for Lady. But you know the ole saying, “If they’ll do it with you, they’ll do it to you,” – Just ask the Bulldog that “got next to” Lady after Cliff ditched her. I really like my use of the “unreliable narrator” here. We’ll never really know if Lady was “forced away” or “ran away.” Perhaps it was a little bit of both. SO MANY LEVELS!!!!

 

My First NaNoWriMo Doggy Style Romance Novel - The Dusty Parachute
I would like to edit this first sentence to be, “50 were boys and 50 were girls….but NONE of them were Tippy’s!”  Hahahahahaha! How much drama can one 8-year old cram into a fourteen page story? There’s love, torture, infidelity, kidnapping, seizures, an unnatural amount of birthing and now CAGES!  I think it may say a bit about how much “Hart to Hart” and “Fantasy Island” I watched in the 80s. A bonus, available in only the original copy: some 40-year old glob of mystery substance on page 11. Maybe it’s cookie dough, maybe it’s a booger….but you should definitely Purell-up if you touch it.

 

My First NaNoWriMo Doggy Style Romance Novel - The Dusty Parachute
It’s all nice and heartwarming that everyone mysteriously woke up to open cages on Christmas, but that’s only because we don’t really know WHEN they got PUT IN the cages! Maybe it was Labor Day (of course, every day is labor day for Lady.) Also, feel free to insert a joke about how much Lady enjoys a room full of “Bonse” here.

 

My First NaNoWriMo Doggy Style Romance Novel - The Dusty Parachute
Notice, I never wrote, “The End’ AND there are eight more blank pages left in this book. Lady & Tippy have so many more stories to be told. If I can pack this much action into 241 words, imagine what I could do for Lady & Tippy with the 50,000 words of NaNoWriMo!

 

I think sharing this literary journey with you counts as my NaBloPoMo requirement for the day, so I better stop making fun of promiscuous dogs and get to work on NaNoWriMo.

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I’m taking part in BlogHer’s NaBloPoMo, where bloggers add a new piece to their blog EVERY DAY for the month of November. Wish me luck!
NaBloPoMo November 2016

Once upon a time, Susanne Kerns was a Senior Account Director at an advertising agency working for two of the top brands in the world. Ten years ago she traded in her corporate life for a life as a stay at home mom, raising two of the best kids in the world. She started her blog, The Dusty Parachute as a way to dust off her online advertising skills and begin her job search. Instead, she now uses it as a way to spend lots of time on the computer so her kids think that mommy has a job.

Susanne’s essays have been featured in Scary Mommy, Redbook & BonBon Break and she is also a contributor in the books, I Just Want to Be Perfect, It’s Really 10 Months, Special Delivery and Martinis & Motherhood – Tales of Wonder Woe & WTF?!

The Dusty Parachute by Susanne Kerns
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