My daughter just got her leg cast removed a couple of days ago. She had to wear the cast for a month after breaking her foot exactly one week after the first day of school. To most people this sounds like a rough way to start the school year but to of our friends and family betting over/unders on her next injury, that sounds just about right, because I have ‘that kid’.
In the past year, she has been on crutches three times, (this time we even upgraded to a knee scooter.) She has also had a broken arm and even decided to add some flair and go for an eye patch once after catching a basketball with her eye.*
Oh sure, the first time she broke her arm (by getting completely nailed by two boys racing on bikes,) I rushed her to the ER, paying upwards of a gazillion dollars to have them wrap her arm with a stick and a bandage only to inform me that she would have to go see an orthopedic specialist the next day (or within the week…whenever….why did I rush to the ER again?) Lesson learned.
With this last break I handed her a bag of frozen peas, two Advil and went about with making dinner. The next morning we headed to the pediatrician to get an xray permission slip and drove across town to the xray specialist. There we had the pleasure of sitting next to a foul mouthed elderly couple discussing their children’s problems with drugs and sluttiness full volume for over an hour.
Sure enough, the xrays showed that it was broken, and sure enough, the break was “very unusual.” Of course it was.
Of the 25 school days so far this year, she has missed the equivalent of five days of school, two due to the foot injury and three due to the plague going through our neighborhood. Fortunately, since I’m a SAHM, I have the flexibility to run to these appointments and stay home fulfilling her non-stop, weird food requests while she breaks the world record for hours of watching LabRats.
If I was employed, I am guessing my boss wouldn’t be thrilled with me missing work 20% of the past month. I know all mothers have to deal with these type of emergencies too, but I’m guessing their kids limit their bone breaking to once a year and their medicine cabinets do not look like this.
So really, I’m doing the would-be employers out there a big service by just staying at home, so when the next caller ID from my daughter’s school shows up on my phone I don’t have to cancel any client meetings or miss a big presentation. Instead, my only broken commitment is not getting to the grocery store (woo hoo, excuse for take out!) and any frustration over being inconvenienced is soon replaced by an overwhelming gratitude that I’m in a position to be able to be on-call for those calls all moms get (some of us more than others.)
So, if we ever meet and become friends and I tell you to ‘text don’t call,’ I hope you’ll understand that it’s not that I don’t want to talk to you. It’s that I have developed a negative Pavlovian response to phones ringing, but instead of salivating, it makes me grab my insurance card and an iPad for the doctor’s waiting room.
*For all of you getting ready to call the CPS, all of the injuries except the most recent broken foot happened when I was not present. The broken foot, however, happened while she was climbing down from the bunkbed in her room after I sent her there for driving me batsh*t crazy, so yeah, that one’s kinda on me.
I can’t be the only one with ‘that kid’. Help me know that I’m not alone and share your stories of other kids that should be spending their lives wrapped in bubble wrap.
Once upon a time, Susanne Kerns was a Senior Account Director at an advertising agency working for two of the top brands in the world. Nine years ago she traded in her corporate life for a life as a stay at home mom, raising two of the best kids in the world. She started her blog, The Dusty Parachute as a way to dust off her online advertising skills and begin her job search. Instead, she now uses it as a way to spend lots of time on the computer so her kids think that mommy has a job.
Susanne’s essays have been featured in Scary Mommy, BonBon Break and Redbook and she is also a contributor in the upcoming books, It’s Really 10 Months, Special Delivery and Martinis & Motherhood: Tales of Wonder, Woe & WTF?! You can follow her on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
Be sure to follow me on Facebook & Twitter and check out my 'Photos' tab for a sample of my Instagram feed. It's where I post my tasteful nudes (made you look!);)
xo - Susanne
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